dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
