Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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