i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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