You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
