im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
