absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
