You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
