just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am naked and annoyed.
I need water and some morals
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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