You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
