i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
