your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
