you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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