He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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