remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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