remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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