I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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