I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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