two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
