someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
