do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
