I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
