I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
