The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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