I just saw a hot homeless man
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
