So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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