I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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