There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
