Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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