belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize