it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
