If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
