is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
