yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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