Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So. Much. Porn.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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