Capitaan dildo arrescate!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
