party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
