His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
