She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
