closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
