So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
