You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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