Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
