would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
