you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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