So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
