you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
