WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
