did you get engaged???
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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