just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
