I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
