I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
