Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
