guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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