I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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