I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize