Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
