I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This is the high leading the old right now
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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