I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize