This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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