ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
