you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
