You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
