I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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