i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
