Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
