Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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