Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
