why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
